In January I came down with this horrid, nasty flu bug that took me completely out for nearly two weeks.
It didn’t have the courtesy of taking me out during Winter break at school either. Nope, this rude little bug took me out HARD the first week of the quarter and kept me out for the second week. At the end of the first two days of class, when I realized that ‘Holy shit, this bug isn’t going to be pretty!’, I’d already been assigned a ton of reading/writing at school, had the Fall In-Love w/ Yourself Challenge to promote AND all the emails still to write for that. I also had the submissions for this, the 6th year straight, of Fall In-Love w/ Yourself February series.
I was not a happy camper. Not at all.
In fact, on the day of the January Full Moon, the Quiet Moon, I left work early and went straight to bed. I laid there all afternoon entertaining worries of having to cancel the challenge and of failing Winter quarter. It was a full-on pit/anxiety party all afternoon. Not fun or productive, but authentic and real – part of life.
By the time my husband got home that first full day of it I felt super cruddy, icky and miserable. When he heard my cough rumbling so ugly and deep within my chest he made me throat coat tea in my favorite mug.
And then a refill.
He asked what he could make me for dinner. I said rice noodle soup with peas. He made me a package of something I’ve never had before. It tasted so wrong – I just could.not stomach it. I said “no, I can’t eat this. Please throw it out.”
And he took it away for me, then he asked me if I’d like some pasta with butter. “Yes, please.”
It took a fair while longer than expected before he returned with this perfect dome of brown rice pasta with cheese on top. It was good. I quickly devoured all of it.
He sat and regaled me with his adventure making it. How he’d wanted to figure out how to pack some healthy fats and protein into it. How he’d made a red wine reduction and whipped an egg & half and half to get some fat and protein in me. He must have whisked nonstop – there was no evidence of that egg. I sure was grateful for it.
Over the next few days, while I struggled to rest and drink enough water, he made me dinners of eggs and toast and tomato soup and toast (I think I went through an entire loaf of gluten free bread with toast!). He brought me flowers for my bedside table, twice and a magazine devoted to George Michael to enjoy. Sunday afternoon he sat on the edge of the bed with my guitar, singing me Beatles songs while I laid down, feeling so very, very loved. That flu was awful, but his care was so sweet and gentle, so devoted and full of love.
The best part of all of his care during that flu?
I knew, without doubt, that I was worthy of it. I knew I was deserving of his sweet care and devotion, and safe to receive it.
That, my friends, is the gift of genuine self-love — that deep knowingness that you are worthy of sweet care and devotion. It’s taken me years of conscious and I’m sure a lot of unconscious work to get to this place of worth. This beautiful place of true self-compassion.
All of that work has been worth it.
So very, very worth it.
You can give yourself this gift of genuine, soul-deep self-love. You are capable of doing this work. You are so very, very worthy of receiving your own unconditional love and devotion, as well as others.
My prayer for this month is that these stories about self-love healing journeys will bless you in your own healing journey.
This year Grace & Magic is running the Fall In-Love w/ Yourself Self-Care FREE Challenge!
If you haven’t signed up yet, you can sign up until Friday, February 3 here. We’d love to have you join us!
Kate Love is a self-care guide and spiritual midwife, helping women (re)birth their magic within.