Watching Dune, Asking Important Questions

The other night I settled into my cozy corner on the couch to finally watch Dune: Part One. Many years earlier my mom dragged to the theater to see the 1980s version. The problem is I have a mother who lives so in her head she brought me with zero prep or world/mythos explaining. Needless to say I was confused and bored out of my teenage mind. Even the fact that Sting was in it couldn’t make me care.

So I was going about my life prejudging the new ones happily missing out these past couple of years. Until my husband asked me if I’d consider watching them both with him. Oh-oh. That threw a wrench in my JOYO. I know he wouldn’t ask me to watch anything with my trauma triggers in it, so that meant it was ‘safe’. I couldn’t really see a good reason to deny him this request. 

He asks so little of me, truly.

I figured him asking meant this was something he really, truly wanted to share. How can I love him and deny him sharing things which matter deeply to him? 

My heart could not let me refuse him this small request – even though I was convinced I’d be bored.

I was soooo wrong about that being bored bit.

Mere moments into this movie I was astounded at how stunning the visuals were. “It’s like I’m watching Dune, the Blade Runner 2049 edition.”

My husband turns and looks at me, responding, “It’s the same director.”

“Really?!? Way cool!”

And throughout the entire movie I was fully inside that world. I didn’t want to leave that story.

I found myself wishing I could call up my mom and talk with her about how profoundly well done movie this was but such is life. 

Of course I had my Common Place notebook with me to jot down thoughts or quotes. In the first moments I’d written down:

“Dreams make good stories but everything important happens when we’re awake, because that’s when we make things happen.”

Isn’t there a quote floating around that goes: “A goal without a plan is just a dream” or something like that? This concept that in our dreaming we can see what’s possible, but it’s in our intentional moments we can do the work of bringing those dreams to life.

There was a line that felt personal, speaking to how I’m moving forward in life after the discovery of my uterine Leiomyosarcoma:

“The story of life isn’t a problem to solve, but a reality to be experienced.”

I’m pretty much at the mercy of this aggressive cancer. Every three month getting my ct scans, watching, waiting, fearing it’s return. AND also I need to live my life and be as fully engaged with my life while living with this problem that neither myself or current medical treatments can solve.

But that’s also just plain life for all of us in one way or another isn’t it?

Life is beautiful and magical and has problems we’ll never solve. We just need to focus on experiencing our beautifully imperfect lives as fully as we can.

Please note, I’m not talking about larger cultural or societal problems. Here I’m only referring to things like our own limitations through health or life phase and things like that. Like when we’ve got small children and it feels like our entire life is caught up in the management and care of them. We still need to allow ourselves to be fully present and engaged in our lives. We cannot take all of our interests, hopes and dreams and shove them into the back of our closets, waiting for the ‘right time’. We must live, now.

I’m writing this while reclining in bed, my laptop on my lapdesk, coffee on my side table, sound of rain out my window. Life is right now – not later when I have more energy or less back pain – it’s right now.

I’ve been consciously looking for ways I’m restricting myself, waiting for x.y.z. to happen before I do a,b,c.

Life is right now – there is no time to wait to fully live it. I’m choosing to live my life, follow my dreams, answer the call of my heart right now, accommodating myself as needed. No more waiting for a ‘better time‘ or whatever nonsense I was telling myself.

This question feels important to ask as often as able: In what ways are we preventing ourselves from being fully alive because we are stuck in waiting mode for some mythical ‘right‘ or ‘better time’?

Life is right now.

It’s the only moment I know I have.

I can hope for millions more moments, many decades yet to come, but right now is the only moment I truly, actually know I have.

It’s the only moment you know you have too, please live it fully, please step outside of waiting mode.

Thanks for reading.

Love,

Kat

Also, now I wanna re-watch Blade Runner 2049.